Poem of the Week

TALES OF A FIFTH GRADE TERROR

 

I’m the topic of the lunchroom when the teachers sit to eat.

The aides out on the playground shake, when they hear my feet.

The principal has seen me more, than his own family,

But with no evidence, he sends me back uneasily.

They just never seem to catch me–a small fact that they have found,

For when there’s trouble, or something wrong, I’m just nowhere around.

I’m really not a rotten kid, I’m just “misunderstood,”

Oh, by the way, don’t use that chair, I loosened all the wood.

 

I’m the terror of the fifth grade,

There’s been no one quite like me.

I’ve made two principals retire

With no uncertainty.

Citations? Hey, they make me laugh,

And calls home go to naught.

My teachers pray, they see the day,

The day that I am caught, ah yes,

The day that I am caught.

 

The teacher yelled at John when he was trying to get me back.

It’s not my fault he didn’t look and sat down on a tack!

My class was at the amusement park, and tried the water ride.

I tied the shoes of Sue and Ron, and they were stuck inside!

I told Steve that I heard Mike say that Steve called Beth each night.

When they saw each other, you had to laugh–it really was some fight!

I say, “It wasn’t me,” and fend off any accusation.

My teacher says I specialize in “Blatant Instigation.”

 

But my greatest trick, I must admit, became my greatest flop.

I taped a test tube full of water under Jay’s desktop.

A needle in the stopper, the thread running down his desk,

He sat down, I pulled the thread–just figure out the rest.

The only problem with this stunt, (my teacher likes to brag),

Was the camera she aimed at me, all hidden by the flag.

She videoed–then showed my folks–I turned three shades of green,

So now I sit in detention hall, from now ’til I’m eighteen!

 

I’m the former terror of the fifth grade,

There was no one quite like me.

I made two principals retire

With no uncertainty.

Citations used to make me laugh,

And calls home went to naught.

Now my teachers play, they saw the day,

The day that I was caught, ah yes,

The day that I was caught.